A New Sort of Olympics

You know, it really is damn near impossible to get away from the fact that the Winter Olympics are taking place. You'd have to practically remove yourself from society and go live in the woods with no tv, no radio, no news sources at all. Basically, go live under a rock somewhere.

But still, I like them. For as much as the hype is ridiculous and initially turned me completely off, I can't stop watching. Sometimes even on nights when there isn't figure skating! Some of the new sports are pretty cool, I must say. Snowboard cross, for one. One person I know described it as a kind of roller derby on ice. I think her inference was that it was low class or something, but I think that's why I like it. See, that's me. I like either the things that are high falutin', like figure skating, or trailer park, like snowboard cross.

And then there are some sports that just make me think, These people are really fucking insane. Like ski jumping and freestyle aerials. Or anything where you launch yourself off a perfectly good snowpack into the air for absolutely no good reason. It's insanity, I tell you!

Therefore, I think we need a new Olympics just for the insane. I mean, we've got the original, grandaddy of them, the Summer Olympics. Then there's the Winter Olympics, so the Canucks and Scandinavian countries can win some stuff. There's the Paralympics for the physically challenged. And, of course, the Special Olympics, for the kids riding the short bus.

But what about these insane people throwing themselves off mountains? They need their own Olympics, dammit.

I'd call them the Manic Olympics, but NOW and all the militant lesbian feminists would come back and say, Why not the Womanic Olympics? Hey, I didn't name mania, go talk to the ancient Greeks.

Maybe we could call them the Shock Therapy Olympics. Or ECTOlympics. Wait, that sounds like some sort of Olympics for Ghost Busters.

I dunno, but we need another one. Any ideas for names?