K is for Kourage

Or courage. Or something like that.

I interrupt this blog for a public service announcement for my best friend K. Because it's mine, because I can, and because she needs to hear and see this. Also because I can't afford to say it as many times as it needs to be said on the phone on international calls to Oz. So . . .

Kiki, listen up, girlie, because I’m only going to say this . . . well, as many times as it takes to drill it through that thick skull of yours.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

Honey, there is nothing at all wrong with you. You are beautiful, vibrant, caring, loyal, fun-loving, intelligent and kind. You have done nothing wrong, certainly nothing to deserve what has happened to you. And you should not feel humiliated. You are not the one who fucked everything up.

But most of all, you are something I am not. You are courageous.

You say that I am strong. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe what you see as strength is simply a defense mechanism, a survival instinct.

But I am not courageous like you. You are the one who puts it out there on the line time and again. You are the one who lets people into your heart. That takes much more courage that I can afford. After all, how courageous is it to hide behind a façade of my own making, behind sarcasm and bitchiness and jokes? How courageous is it to choose inappropriate relationships that subconsciously I know won’t go anywhere, and then waste years of my life on them? While you, you seem to have a gift for at least forming relationships that last for more than a few months, to give your heart to others, to accept the love they offer you. These things I can’t do. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable takes a special kind of courage.

Come back home and take some time to relax, to think about your next move, to decide what to do next. You wanted to come home anyway, you’ve wanted to for 2 years now. Now you can do it without the Dead Weight (that’s what I’m calling him, btw). Sometimes it’s a good idea to take a step backward to decide how to go forward. I’m a big proponent of coming back to DC for this reason. You were happy here. We had such a great time here. And we can again, albeit 10 years older, er, better. Of course, wherever you go, you know you’re always welcome here and you know I’ll come to see you, too.

You may wonder why I’m putting this on my blog instead of just sending you an e-mail. It’s because I want it preserved for posterity, and I also want others to see how amazingly courageous you are. I also want you to be able to click on the link and see this any time you need it. Not to mention this has a much prettier background than an e-mail. ;-)

So get your ass home, missie!

Love,

JoJo