One last post before the end of the first half of the year

Okay, so the title sucks. I always struggle with them. I actually struggle with all my blog posts. Is this a sign that I should give up, or will it come easier with time? It seems like I have all these ideas for posts when I come in, and once I get here they all desert me.

In any case, one good thing about this first half of the year and being almost completely broke the entire time is that I've learned to live really cheaply. Seriously. I can live on $50 a week and that includes transportation to and from work, food for myself, and food and cat litter for the boys. I think that's pretty damned good, if I do say so myself.

I woke up the other morning at 2:30 am from a dream where my beloved cat Buca was dying in my arms. Seriously, I woke up crying and had to go find him to make sure he was still alive. This, of course, resulted in him waking up every day since then to annoy the shit out of me and thus I've had few nights of good sleep since then. I highly doubt tonight will be any different.

Still waiting for the cuz/roomie to arrive with my car so we can change the fake registration sticker. Don't ask. I'll explain tomorrow. Or later tonight if she doesn't get hete soon.

alright, alright, alright

I know I should get at least one more post in before this half of the year is over.

At this point in the year, we inevitably find ourselves asking what we've accomplished so far. And we inevitably find ourselves thinking, not a whole helluva lot. That is where I find myself now.

Except.

I've moved house into a place I like, although it's not without its faults, and I want to stay here until I leave this area.

I've acquired a roommate, which would normally be a bad thing, but it's my cousin/little brother/younger sister and we are becoming closer than ever. Not to say that we don't have our spats, but on the whole it's been a great experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I've been fired from a job I hated and am now temping (since February, mind you) in a law firm that I actually like and am learning new things among the drudgery.

I've been on a great vacation to two fantastic new cities, one of which I fell in love with and hope to move to in the next year or two.

I've lost 20 lbs.

I've been more exposed to a whole new subculture here and I love it, in spite of all its faults.

I've become closer with some people, and lost touch with others. Hopefully that last part can be corrected soon.

I've learned to fix simple household problems myself.

I got a new used laptop and managed to load all kinds of programs on it myself and use it without (many) hitches.

I haven't quit smoking, or drinking, or started a real exercise program, or gotten a full-time permanent job, but on the whole, I think I'm ahead of where I thought I'd be back when I lost all hope.

I hope you are, too. Cheers.

Work crap

Or more precisely, lack thereof. I have spent the better part of the last few days using my superior intellect and academic credentials putting numbered labels on pieces of paper and pulling out pieces of numbered paper for copying. No doubt, tomorrow I shall have numbered pieces of paper to reinsert in the files.

And you know what? I don't care. It doesn't bother me one bit. I actually like it. It gives me time to read crap on the internet, like blogs and news.

A couple years ago, this would bother me. I wanted more and more substantive work, researching, reviewing documents and writing. And I had it, and more than I could deal with. So much so that I got burnt out to the point that I ended up leaving my job in San Diego, so much so that I got fired from 2 jobs here in DC in less than a year.

And it has completely changed my perspective. Being fired isn't the end of the world. Doing crap work isn't the end of the world.

I'm not sure what's going to happen in the future with work. I know I will have work, I'm just not sure where. The firm where I'm working now is a great place to work, and the partner I'm working for has asked if I'm interested in permanent work. That was 2 months ago, though, and I've heard nothing about it since.

In some ways, being a temp is great. I'm not held to the same expectations as permanent employees, i.e., I can come in late, stay late, take holidays when I want. On the downside, I get no medical insurance, no benefits like paid holidays.

It's so hard sometimes to know what to do. I'd love to work for this firm for a couple years, but I know I'm going to end up leaving. And is that fair to them? Or should I even worry about that?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Confessions

I like crap reality tv like The Real Gilligan's Island, Survivor, etc. Not all of it, but some of it cracks me up.

I like erotica. Not hard core, but soft core. Gives me something to look forward to in life.

I am a reformed slut. I wonder lately, though, if being a current slut might be preferable.

I am a slob. Truly. I can let my abode go until it's almost unliveable, but when I do clean, it's like a hospital in here.

My feet stink. They sweat like holy hell. Only Dr. Schollls foot spray is the answer.

And I smoke and drink too much. No answer for those, I'm afraid, unless I stop one or the other or both. Both of which will be stopped eventually. But not just yet. A girl has to have some fun somehow.

A New Start

I'm baaaaccckkk. Ahhh, it feels good. And I don't mean just back to my blog (although that was trying in itself because I forgot my username, d'oh). I'm back to the world, back to my life, back to myself.

Have you ever woken up one day (figuratively) and realized that you don't know how you got to this place in your life? How did I get here? What happened to the person I was? Where did the Jayne go who inspired her friend to print in her wedding program that I "taught [her] how to live life fully in the moment"?

Well, I did just that. It happened a few weeks after I got back from my holiday. I guess it took getting out of my daily drudgery to see what had happened (or not happened) to my life and to me. And I don't like it. Not one bit.

Things have to change. I have to change. I have to find myself again, have to figure out where I want my life to go, and work out a plan to get there. I have to stop living this bare existence and start participating in life again. I can no longer seclude myself and watch life pass me by.

I haven't spoken to my best friends in months. One of my best friends is pregnant with Baby No. 3. I don't even know if she's given birth yet. Another of my best friends (she of the wedding program quote above) was married last October, and I may have talked to her 3 times since then. She could be pregnant for all I know by now. Yet another friend (this one male) lives less than 2 miles away, and I haven't seen him since January, although he invites me out at least twice a month. I've known him for over 10 years now and he never gives up on me.

So, if you like, you can follow the journey here. I hope it will be entertaining, but moreso, I hope it will be successful. I know it won't be easy, but I have to do something, anything, to change the status quo. Because the status quo is slowly killing me and my soul.

Watch this page. And wish me luck.

Go west

Or northwest.

Having just returned from Vancouver, BC, Canada, I can tell you that it's one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. The water, the parks, the mountains . . . what's not to love?

So who wants to give me a Canadian visa? Hmmmmm?